Cheater Cheater Ex-Wife Eater

Dear BHB's,
I have been separated from my wife for about 8 months now and we are about to be divorced. I had met a very charming and beautiful woman who I very much adore and would like to date and continue to get to know. I had made the mistake of sleeping with my future ex once and she myspaced a message to this other woman letting her know about it. I did tell my then girlfriend that I in fact did sleep with her. It was done as a physical release and not out of any love that I would have for her because I am no longer in love with her.The woman that I was seeing says that she doesn't know if she would allow me to be back in her life again as her boyfriend.Maybe friends,but,she doesn't know about dating me again. My question is this, is there anyway that I can show her that I know the mistake that I've made and that it wont happen again. I really,really like this woman alot and I want so much to see where the relationship could take us.I would do ANYTHING to get back in her good graces and have the chance to be with her again. Could a second chance even be given to me or has that 1 fuck up sealed my chances with her forever on that level?
Regretful Lover

Dear Regretful Don Juan,
We at Brutally Honest Babes are, alas, not perfection personified. We do screw things up once in a while. That being said, we feel justified in mentioning that YOU sure managed to make a big ‘ole f**k up. A double f**k, if you will. We joined forces on this one.

ETHEL: Gee, I wonder why he’s getting a divorce?

LUCY: Gee, I wonder. He’s a CHEATER!

ETHEL: He’s probably emotionally strapped right now and confused. His life seems complex.

LUCY: Sure it’s complex blah de blah de blah. If his ex-girlfriend has any good sense, she won’t take him back right away. He needs to examine why he cheated and be honest and take some steps inside himself.

ETHEL: It sounds to me like he realizes that what he did was wrong.

LUCY: Hell yeah, it was wrong! He’d better understand how awful it was.

ETHEL: I wonder, did he start dating his now Ex-girlfriend when he was still with his now Ex-wife?

LUCY: If he did, then I don’t feel sorry for Ex-girlfriend. Ha ha ha that’s what she gets.

ETHEL: About the whole sex with Ex-wife as merely a “physical release,” hasn’t he ever heard of slapping the salami?

LUCY: If I were Ex-girlfriend, I would be mortally offended by the whole “physical” excuse. I would just think, “Ick, you nasty man. Have you no control over when you drop your own drawers? Say you’re a bit randy and some willing skank walks by . . . "

ETHEL: Maybe Ex-girlfriend wasn’t putting out.

LUCY: Maybe, but that’s no grounds for infidelity. Trust has been broken.

ETHEL: Is there no hope for our Regretful Ex-Cheater Swain?

LUCY: Well, for starters, he should respect her wish to just be friends.

ETHEL: For awhile, anyway. We women are suckers. He may win her over again in time, as long as he can manage to keep his hands and his weenie to himself, and as long as he doesn’t go stalking her.

LUCY: Yes, now is not the moment to come on too strong. He is going to have to prove himself and regain her approval.

ETHEL: Specifically, he needs to limit contact with her and let her start to miss him a little. He shouldn’t ignore her, but he should definitely give her some breathing room. No daily calls, visits, texts, or e-mails. Communication should only be established, say, once every other week for starters. He must let their friendship grow organically according to her mood.

LUCY: And he’d better beware. Us chicas are moody.

ETHEL: He might also try the “all or nothing Grand Gesture approach,” like buying her something mondo expensive and taking her to the finest restaurant and showering her with praise; but it’s a bit of a gamble. If it fails, then he’s really S.O.L.

LUCY: Yeah, he might scare her away for good. Better to take the gradual building of friendship into romance route.

ETHEL: I am reminded of the old adage from The Tortoise and the Hare, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

LUCY: And the bastard better remember this time that “steady” means STEADY!

ETHEL: InSTEAD of acting like a gigolo.

LUCY: Yes, he must learn to be STEADfast.

ETHEL: STEADY as she blows!

LUCY: If he behaves himself, maybe she will! (Ex-girlfriend, that is)

You Can't Teach an Old Bag New Tricks

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we sometimes take advice questions from other sites and answer them. Better. Below is an example.

From AskJohnQ.com: A single mother who has 26 year old, a 21 year old and a 17 year old girls has had sex with her 21 year old daughter ex-boyfriend who is 23 years old, now he is trying to hook up with her 26 year old, she does not want him to hook up with her daughter but does not know how to keep him away from her family. They do not know that this affair happened with the mom and the daughters ex boyfriend and he has remained a friend of the families. Should she tell her 26 year old about the affair?

Dear Mom who has Written into Public Advice Column “Anonymously”:
Hold on – I need to read all that again. Um Hmm… Skanky Mom… Skanky Dude… Daughters in desperate need of therapy. Got it! If I were on the Jerry Springer set I might throw a chair at the Mom and holler, “What about the children? Won’t someone please think of the children??!” Does that answer your question?

Dear Someone Else: I think I'll Have Her A-La-Mode!

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we understand that at first no one has any idea who we are. So, we will take advice questions from other sites and answer the questions. Better. Below is an example.

From Pig-Dogs.net: I love my boyfriend of 7 months very much, but how do I continue to put up with his online chatting with other women? He claims that he loves me and wants to marry me, but it is defect in him that he cannot seem to control. He treats me wonderfully otherwise and is everything that I have been looking for. How can we cure him of this?

Dear Cake,
A is always A. Your boyfriend says he loves you and wants to marry you. Your boyfriend chats online with other women (presumably romantically, or else what is the fuss about.) One of these is true. The other is not. If he has romantic chats with other women, on a regular basis, then he does not love you. You think love is an exclusive state. So do we. Yes, married people are not dead – they look sometimes. But chatting/ speaking/ acting on it is a different story. Find a new boyfriend. One who wants only you. You deserve that. Right now you’re the cake he has and he’s out looking for the Marie Callender’s.

Dear Someone Else: Dirty Double Standard

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we understand that at first no one has any idea who we are. So, we will take advice questions from other sites and answer the questions. Better. Below is an example.

(from askJohnQ.com) I have been married for 5 years. I cheated on my wife twice. Last year she cheated on me for revenge. When she cheated it was with a man and a woman at the same time. A threesome. She was intimate with the woman as well. I am shocked that she was able to have sex with another woman. I feel like it makes her someone that I wouldn't pick for a wife. I'm no angel either, but I've never had sex with a man. I would have sex with 2 women at the same time but I wouldn't think that either woman was wife material. Can anyone tell me what to do?

Dear Dirty Double Standard,
We'll tell you what to do. Get a divorce. Sounds like neither you nor your wife have what it takes to be married. Being married is a big deal. You made a vow to be faithful to one another. If you and she want to sleep around with whomever or whatever whenever, then get a fucking divorce and then you can fuck all you want.