Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Viva La Burrito!

No More Apologies.

Women apologize for many, many things they should not, but my rant today is about apologizing for food.

It seems a cake cannot emerge from it’s frothy pink box without some woman at the table beginning the ritual.

“Oh, that’s so baaaaaad!”

“I shouldn’t

“I’ll have to work out so hard after!”

“It’s evil!”

On and on, ad infinitum. Usually every female at the table will say one of the above, if only to prove to all the other women in the room that she’s sufficiently body dysmorphic enough to be in The Shame Club.

The Shame Club, the Club people like Perez Hilton have convinced us we should be in, because we dared to be female, dared to turn 19 and still be alive, dared to have cellulite, and dared to not vomit today.

You know what’s terrible? I have some suggestions, and funnily enough, cake isn’t on the list!

“Oh, that’s so baaaaaad!” – BAD is Hillary Clinton’s thighs being discussed instead of her policies.

“I shouldn’t” – I SHOULD’T perpetrate girl on girl hate crime by bashing any woman’s looks and discussing them as if they were the end all be all of her personhood.

“I’ll have to work out so hard after!” – I’LL HAVE TO really think about the fact that today is the 89th anniversary of the 19th amendment.

“It’s evil!” – EVIL things are honor killings, cancer and racism.


Say it with me: I will not make a negative commentary about anything I eat. If it’s so deplorable, I will not eat it. The end.