Dear Too Real Women: So, I am at a New Years party drinking a glass of red wine and you guessed it……I accidentally spilt some on the, yes, off-white carpet. There was a gasp from everyone around me, then a silence. I just wanted to be swallowed up by the now wine stained carpet but no such luck. I just stood there stammering apologizes while the hosts tried to clean it up. They were kind about the whole thing but what should I do now? Offer to have it cleaned, send flowers or just forget the whole thing?
Dear Clumsy Lush:
Ha ha ha! Just kidding! Once Lucy vomited in the middle of a shop when she had the flu. Vomit – way worse than wine.
Were you at a party in California? Because we swear, those people have no sense of humor. Gasping, indeed. We're glad the hosts were nice at least. Surely they knew they had off-white carpet when they served the red wine, savvy?
Shit happens. Yes, you could send some flowers with a note offering to pay to clean the rug. More than likely they will decline the offer, but you’ll have made their day. Flowers make it all better. Well, not all. If you had run over their dog in a ghastly, drunken Vespa accident, flowers probably wouldn’t have helped. But you only ruined their expensive and irreplaceable off-white carpet with your liquor-filled shenanigans. Just kidding again! Aren't we just the dickens?