Monday, November 3, 2008

Unsolicited Advice: Ho ho ho Go Blow

Dear Retailers,

It ain't Christmas yet. It ain't even close. We Babes are dismayed, yay, disheartened by the fact that Christmas comes earlier and earlier every damn year (not that we're more than, say, twenty-six ourselves)--at least in your stores. Ethel was in large national chain drugstore two weeks before Halloween and guess what. The groovy Halloween masks and candy and crap had to share an aisle with effing Christmas shit! Before Halloween even! As Charlie Brown would say in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, "AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!"

Ethel is worried. Ethel is afraid she is going to get arrested. Ethel is afraid she is going to snap oh say maybe tomorrow and put on a big turkey costume and grab a cricket bat and go on a rampage knocking over too early fake-O Christmas trees that are already up in stores and smashing ornaments and beating up auto-animatronic singing Santas until they quit singing "Jingle Bells" over and over and over. Halloween. Thanksgiving. THEN Christmas. And maybe some other holiday or another in there somewhere depending on your heritage. Please retailers, nobody has any money to shell out on your shiny baubles this year anyway due to the economy/schmonomy. Please, for fuck's sake, can you at least hold off on the candy canes until maybe mid-November? please? Trick-or-ho ho ho and a bottle of eggnog.


Roxie Rage said...

That was awesome, believe me I understand.

As an employee at well-known, nation-wide book store, I have noticed just how early all the Christmas stuff is coming in.

I was stocking all of it in the back, before I had even stocked anything for Thanksgiving, and the first day after Halloween, two whole tables are devoted to the Christmas stock in the kids department. The Thanksgiving stock? Relegated to a few shelves on a pillar. And today, my manager was putting together all the Christmas decorations to put all over the store.

I mean...Really?

Roxie Rage said...

Oh, may I add that the next night I was driving home from a friends house and the main street in his town and had already put up ALL the Christmas decoarations, including the ones that go around the light poles!