Be Not Thee a Whore… at Prom.

Lucy here my lovelies! As Edith and I were giggling like fools in Florida, annoying my parents, and undertaking a particularly horrible try at finger waving our hair so that we could be 20s starlets, we perused the Prom issue of Comso Girl. Upon feasting our eyes on the ugly and slutty “gowns” offered therein, we decided to create a new regular feature “Be Not Thee a Whore”. This is the second non-whore plea we have offered to the Universe – the first being our highly popular post “Unsolicited Advice: Don’t Dress Little Caitlin like a Whore for Halloween”. It received 3 whole comments – some kid of record, we’re sure!

We shall address several of the Terribly Trampy Trends for our nonexistent teenage girl readers.

Terribly Trampy Trend The First: Lamb Dressed as Mutton

This dress has many fatal flaws (pepto pink anyone? *shudder*), but the first we see is how old it makes her look!

Do you really want to look like the neighborhood cougar at 18?

Be young and fresh while you can. Those years of boozing it up will catch up with you before you know it anyway.

Terribly Trampy Trend The Second: Neon Nightmare


Neon is a don’t in formal wear.

Enough said.

















Terribly Trampy Trend The Third: Now We Love Leopard as Much as the Next Girl...


…but it’s cheesy at Prom.

Too much print, too trampy, and with a baby-poo brown train? The words escape us.

Oh, and she looks old in it, too. Cougar and Leopard. Too many animals for one girl.

Terribly Trampy Trend The Fourth: Cover Up the Cooter!


It’s a little hard to fathom that the biggest trend we saw in fugly prom dresses was the cooter.

Perhaps the dress is designed for multi-purpose use… prom one day; gynecologist the next!

We blame Paris, Perez and Britney. If you wear a gown like this, your vagina will hang out (and to clear up any confusion – that is a bad thing.) Dancing, walking, getting out of the limo… it’s Howdy Cooty time.

What parental unit would allow this dress? It boggles the mind.

Girls, you are a whore in this dress. Please, please, please don’t. Really. Have love for your vag – she loves you! This is no way to treat her.

The moral of the story is: a little mystery goes a long way. Have some respect for yourself and don’t be a whore at Prom. Or anywhere. But for today, we’ll settle for Prom.