Monday, January 28, 2008

Why Not Take Both?

Dear BHBs:
I recently started dating someone. He's very nice, but I've found myself very attracted to one of his friends. The feeling is mutual. I don't want to hurt him, but I should be true to myself. I have to end the relationship, but do I have a right to then see his friend or should I deny myself? It's so hard to meet people that you connect with. I don't want to pass him up.

Dear Help!:
This is all so exciting! We’re married and boring so this doesn’t happen to us. Wait, let us turn up the radio…

“Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules”

You rule-breaker you. Some of these lyrics are downright dirty (i.e. “There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill”.) Sounds like you want Bachelor #2 to “fill your empty place” (hee!) and who can blame you?

There are two separate issues it seems to us. First, let Bachelor #1 down gently. Just end it, without long explanations about Bachelor #2 or whatever. Second, approach Bachelor #2 once you are officially single. Dating his friend’s ex is really more of an issue for him to come to terms with and make a decision about. As Mary Macgregor tells us:

“I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay”

He may or may not date you. He may choose his friendship over you. Or maybe he and his friend swap the ladies all the time in a kinky sex orgy in which you may or may not want to participate. But you won’t know until you pursue him and find out. Just know that you may end up with an empty place if Bachelor #2 denies you.

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