But I Usually Have Such Good Luck with Online Psychics!

From Ask JohnQ.com: I recently consulted this online psychic and she told me that to solve a problem I would need to give a deposit of $1000 dollars and I would get it back in three days and return she sent me these crystals. Its been 2 weeks and I haven’t gotten my deposit back and cannot get in touch with her as she does not answer her phone. The money was transferred through western union and there was no receipt. I know this might be difficult but is there anyway that I could get my money back?

Dear I Hope You Like Your New $1000 Psychic Crystals:
*Ahem* We didn’t want to mention it right away in our advice column, but we here at Brutally Honest Babes are also Pcertified Psychics ©. We work for cheap wine, vintage clothes and Big Macs. We’re certain you have already sent your payment, so we’ll get right to it.

We don’t have a crystal ball, but Ethel has a dream book we like. Your personal troubles stem from a complete lack of common sense and possibly a chronic case of Pstupdity ©. You should invest your next $1000 in a shrink to help in problem solving, or possibly a therapeutic shopping trip involving Cynthia Rowley dresses and a shiny new Rabbit Pearl. You already know you’ve been taken. File a police report – bring all e-mail communication, Western Union account information, etc. to the police when you file. There’s a tiny minuscule chance they will catch this person, but in reality you should kiss your money goodbye. Damn online psychics ain’t what they used to be. Except for us, of course.

The moral of the story is – DON’T SEND $1000 TO A STRANGER OVER THE INTERNET. Sorry about the yelling – but you brought it on yourself.

Wow. We got through that without calling you a dumb shit once! Yay us.

Even the Snarky Require Rest

The BHBs have been on a small vacation, Dears. We have questions in store and many goodly things! We'll be back....

Don't Worry - We're Haters, Too

Dear Brutally Honest Babes:
I am sick of people. People who swear. People who like dogs. People who are rude. People who like cats. People who wear perfume. People who run me off the road. People who hate aardvarks. People who write letters to the editor. People who watch football. People who don't take a bath. People who hum when they work. People who are slobs. People who like Nascar. People who wear dirty tennis shoes. In short ... all kinds of people. I'm thinking that I should just move into a cave and stay away from the human race as much as possible. Is there something wrong with me?
Not-A-People-Person

Dear Intelligent Person:
There is nothing wrong with you. We are snarky women who hate many, many things. We had a discussion about all the stupid people which went something like this:

Lucy: Take a look at this question!

Ethel: I’m sick of people, too.

Lucy: I know – she thinks there’s something wrong with her, but I think it’s very sensible to want to live in a cave due to the schlubs who abound in modern society. Just not very practical.

Ethel: I hate people who order hard things at McDonald's and hold up the drive through. Just order a fucking Big Mac already.

Lucy: I hate the parents who drive their kids to school near where I live – they all dodge traffic and run their kids across the street instead of using the cross walk 50 feet away. Nice – teach your kid to run into traffic.

Ethel: I hate people who put ketchup on everything.

Lucy: I hate people who say “At the end of the day.”

Ethel: I hate people who tell me it’s wrong to ride horses.

Lucy: I hate that my hubby hates Halloween.

Ethel: That totally blows.

Lucy: I know! I love Halloween!

Ethel: I hate people who like housework.

Lucy: And then they tell you all about it like they are a saint or something. Yeah, fuck them!

Ethel: I hate people who tell me I don’t have to drink to have a good time. Sometimes, I want to drink! Don’t give me your uninvited commentary.

Lucy: I hate people who say really smugly that they never watch TV. As if it’s a badge of honor. I had a lady do that, and then the next time I saw her she asked if I ever watch such and such TV show because she loves it.

Ethel: Did you hit her?

Lucy: No, I wanted to though.

Ethel: I hate it that you can’t just hit stupid people.

Lucy: Agreed. Some people need a good slap.

Ethel: I hate people who give you uninvited hugs. They are never people whom you would choose to hug.

Lucy: I hate men who leer at me in front of their wives and children.

Ethel: Yes!!! Whew! That felt good.

Lucy: It probably didn’t help our friend though. She can either go live in said cave, learn to deal, or buy a gun and have a few brief moments of bloody satisfaction before they cart her off to the pokie.

Ethel: She’d be around a lot of people in jail. Most of them annoying, I’m sure.

Lucy: Hmmm.

Ethel: If she started a fight in jail then she’d get solitary!

Lucy: Yeah! But then of course there’s all the people she gunned down….

Ethel: Probably not the best solution.

Lucy: No.

Ethel: Then she needs to deal – I find that giving myself a little present after a particularly trying day is nice.

Lucy: Like that Big Mac, or a coffee.

Ethel: Or a ring from the 99 cents store.

Lucy: Or a new lipstick!

Ethel: She should take a deep breath, be glad she’s not a stupid as all the people she hates, and move on. Life is too short.

Lucy: And just fantasize about slapping them all, but not actually doing it.

Ethel: Uh, oh - we swore at the lady who hates people who swear.

Lucy: Good thing we told her not to gun down people who annoy her.

Ethel: I hate people who like Nascar, too.

Lucy: Who doesn’t?

Dear Someone Else: Eat a Freakin' Big Mac Already

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we understand that at first no one has any idea who we are. So, we will take advice questions from other sites and answer the questions. Better. Below is an example.

Q: Is there such a thing as too thin?
Original A: Magazine "Teen Vogue" Rachel S., 17 (this answer is from a 17-year-old) Theoretically, yes, but I think all the starlets that magazines say are too skinny are really attractive. When Jessica Simpson was superslim, you could count her ribs, I thought she was pretty. It's sexy to see bones.

The Correct A: Dear Puking Up One Lettuce Leaf At A Time:
Yes. There is such a thing as too skinny. We are so saddened that young women nowadays have no idea what a normal female body should look like. Women are curvy. We are supposed to be. Men actually like that. We are soft and rounded and sexy and fertile. A woman who is nothing but bones and skin and implants is a freak. Reclaim your feminine features, chicas! Don't be extreme and pig out and become fatty blimps, just eat a normal balanced diet including protein, carbs, fruits and veggies, and yes now and then junk food, and do some moderate exercise and BE BEAUTIFUL. BE A WOMAN. We find it utterly amazing how our society (don't misread us here, we love America) creates problems for itself. I don't think annorexia or bulemia are really a problem in Ethiopa. There IS such a thing as too skinny. BE HEALTHY AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR IT!