Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Cheater Cheater Ex-Wife Eater

Dear BHB's,
I have been separated from my wife for about 8 months now and we are about to be divorced. I had met a very charming and beautiful woman who I very much adore and would like to date and continue to get to know. I had made the mistake of sleeping with my future ex once and she myspaced a message to this other woman letting her know about it. I did tell my then girlfriend that I in fact did sleep with her. It was done as a physical release and not out of any love that I would have for her because I am no longer in love with her.The woman that I was seeing says that she doesn't know if she would allow me to be back in her life again as her boyfriend.Maybe friends,but,she doesn't know about dating me again. My question is this, is there anyway that I can show her that I know the mistake that I've made and that it wont happen again. I really,really like this woman alot and I want so much to see where the relationship could take us.I would do ANYTHING to get back in her good graces and have the chance to be with her again. Could a second chance even be given to me or has that 1 fuck up sealed my chances with her forever on that level?
Regretful Lover

Dear Regretful Don Juan,
We at Brutally Honest Babes are, alas, not perfection personified. We do screw things up once in a while. That being said, we feel justified in mentioning that YOU sure managed to make a big ‘ole f**k up. A double f**k, if you will. We joined forces on this one.

ETHEL: Gee, I wonder why he’s getting a divorce?

LUCY: Gee, I wonder. He’s a CHEATER!

ETHEL: He’s probably emotionally strapped right now and confused. His life seems complex.

LUCY: Sure it’s complex blah de blah de blah. If his ex-girlfriend has any good sense, she won’t take him back right away. He needs to examine why he cheated and be honest and take some steps inside himself.

ETHEL: It sounds to me like he realizes that what he did was wrong.

LUCY: Hell yeah, it was wrong! He’d better understand how awful it was.

ETHEL: I wonder, did he start dating his now Ex-girlfriend when he was still with his now Ex-wife?

LUCY: If he did, then I don’t feel sorry for Ex-girlfriend. Ha ha ha that’s what she gets.

ETHEL: About the whole sex with Ex-wife as merely a “physical release,” hasn’t he ever heard of slapping the salami?

LUCY: If I were Ex-girlfriend, I would be mortally offended by the whole “physical” excuse. I would just think, “Ick, you nasty man. Have you no control over when you drop your own drawers? Say you’re a bit randy and some willing skank walks by . . . "

ETHEL: Maybe Ex-girlfriend wasn’t putting out.

LUCY: Maybe, but that’s no grounds for infidelity. Trust has been broken.

ETHEL: Is there no hope for our Regretful Ex-Cheater Swain?

LUCY: Well, for starters, he should respect her wish to just be friends.

ETHEL: For awhile, anyway. We women are suckers. He may win her over again in time, as long as he can manage to keep his hands and his weenie to himself, and as long as he doesn’t go stalking her.

LUCY: Yes, now is not the moment to come on too strong. He is going to have to prove himself and regain her approval.

ETHEL: Specifically, he needs to limit contact with her and let her start to miss him a little. He shouldn’t ignore her, but he should definitely give her some breathing room. No daily calls, visits, texts, or e-mails. Communication should only be established, say, once every other week for starters. He must let their friendship grow organically according to her mood.

LUCY: And he’d better beware. Us chicas are moody.

ETHEL: He might also try the “all or nothing Grand Gesture approach,” like buying her something mondo expensive and taking her to the finest restaurant and showering her with praise; but it’s a bit of a gamble. If it fails, then he’s really S.O.L.

LUCY: Yeah, he might scare her away for good. Better to take the gradual building of friendship into romance route.

ETHEL: I am reminded of the old adage from The Tortoise and the Hare, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

LUCY: And the bastard better remember this time that “steady” means STEADY!

ETHEL: InSTEAD of acting like a gigolo.

LUCY: Yes, he must learn to be STEADfast.

ETHEL: STEADY as she blows!

LUCY: If he behaves himself, maybe she will! (Ex-girlfriend, that is)

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