Monday, May 19, 2008

The Goodly Wife and the Goodly Anvil~A Morality Tale

Dear Brutally Honest Babes:
I think I read in some of your blogs that you Babes are also Wives. Being a married woman myself, I sometimes want to whack my husband upside the head with a 2 by 4 because of the dumb things he does. Is this normal?
Brutally Honest Wife

Yes, we Babes, as Wives, often experience 2 by 4 husband syndrome ourselves (although we do recommend acting on that impulse only within one's private fantasy life!) For example, Lucy's husband, Ricky, will allow her to create a spiffy timetable and an order in which errands and appointments could feasibly be accomplished, only to (at the last minute) rearrange said order into something haphazard and inconvenient that often results in lateness and/or missed appointments as well as an eco-unfriendly expenditure of valuable petrol. Finally, once he has made his manly changes and realized that he has basically fucked up, he gets grumpy and grouses at Lucy for the rest of the day.

Ethel's husband (you know, Fred), takes great pleasure in using his new-fangled GPS device for the car. Even if Fred and Ethel already know directions to whatever their destination--even if they have been to that destination many, many times before--Fred still insists on listening to the directions offered up by the GPS with the disembodied sexy British female voice. Often the GPS will get confused and send them tooling about in interesting circles and loop-de-loops, and all the while Ethel knows exactly where they should be headed but musn't speak up or else then Fred will grouse for the rest of the day.

We know not what your husband's particular dumbness may encompass, but we feel for you. Our best take on the whole situation is merely to allow Husband his manly foibles so that you experience as few grumpy repercussions as possible. And have fun imagining the 2 by 4 scenario, the frying pan scenario, the anvil accidentally falling out of the window scenario . . .

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