Monday, July 7, 2008

*Sigh* Insert Clever Title About an Asshole Here

DEAR ABBY: "Robert" and I have been married seven years and have two sons, ages 1 and 3. Something is bothering me that didn't before -- Robert's driving. My husband speeds, tailgates, honks his horn to make others go faster and uses racial epithets. If I say anything to him, he accuses me of not trusting him or says I'm looking for something to complain about.

I am concerned for our safety and the impact Robert's behavior has on our sons, not to mention my worry about road rage. If either of our mothers drove with us they would cringe. What can I do? -- ROAD BULLY'S WIFE IN SAN FRANCISCO

Dear I’m Glad You and Your Husband Don’t Live in My City:

We think we may have flicked off your asshole husband at one point or another! The quick but not so easy solution is to stop riding in the car while he drives, or allowing your sons to do so. Immediately. Now, your husband obviously has multiple issues – he’s an angry racist twat for starters. This will cause mucho bad blood we’re sure. But what’s more important, keeping Mr. Rage Pants mollified or your safety? It’s a no-brainer.

Once you make good on your threat to never drive with him, calmly explain to him that you are afraid for your collective safety. Google some accident statistics and show him why speed and tailgating lead to tragedy. Nowadays, even honking at the wrong person could get you shot. Does he get this angry off the road as well? He may need professional help. If he resists changing, then consider that his fits of childish piss and vinegar are more important to him than you are.

As for the racist insults, well, perhaps you want to have a long conversation with yourself about the guy you married and the kind of sons you want to raise.

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