*Sob!* Why, Oh Why Didn't We Meet You First?

Dear Too Real Women:
My female boss has invited me out for dinner. She says that it is to thank me for landing a big client. I’m a single guy and she has kind of flirted with me in the past. How can I make sure that the dinner is all business, as I don’t want to be dessert?

Dear Mr. Irresistible:
Alas, I’m sure there is nothing whatsoever you can do. You must bed her like the stallion you are! Your clear charm and erotic male-ness leap off the interwebs and into our hearts! We are damp with passion just thinking about you, and we are sure she cannot possibly resist you.

Some might say that her “flirting” with you might just be a nice effort to create a worktime happy place for all that you are possibly misinterpreting, but not us. She’s a little woman, so all she really wants is to land a big client-getter like you, quit the better job she has, and have babies to coo at. I’m sure all the women you encounter are the same.

Do try to let her down easy. We double dog dare you. Open the dinner by clarifying the no-sex ground rules. She’ll love the manly and assertive way you have handled the situation. We promise.

An engagement ring on the first date? Pushy!

Dear BHBs:
I just started to date on the internet. I've been texting and talking on the phone with someone for a few weeks. He seems very nice. He texted me on Christmas and New Year's with very sweet message, but I felt a little pressured since we haven't met. Last night we set up a day to finally meet in person and he told me that he got me a little present. Am I over-reacting or is he being too pushy. After our coffee date, I could discover that I'm not attracted to him, but I almost feel an obligation to him now because he's invested so much.

SOS!
[Name Redacted]

Dear Mystery Person Who’s Name We Took Out Because Well We Did:

Hmmmmmmm! We want to know what the present is!! If…

A. It’s a funny button or something that eludes to a witty conversation you two had about how you think Ellen Degeneres is a freak and so this button totally reminds him of that, than we say neat! He listens and thinks Ellen Degeneres is a freak, too. You’re made for each other!

B. It’s a “Faces of Death” DVD he got you because you mentioned your great-grandfather died in a tragic tractor / manure accident and there’s a guy in it who also dies (on camera!) in a tragic tractor / manure accident… than… EWWWW and run away!

So, as you can see, we think it entirely depends on the “little gift”. Think of it as one more clue for you to use to determine if he’s a Tom, Dick or Scary. You are over-reacting a bit, in our learned opinion, and he may not be too pushy (again, depends on gift. A box of condoms? Pushy! A flower? Sweet.)

Whatever the little gift is, you are not obligated to either accept it or another date just because he voluntarily spent money on you. You are in charge of your density! Go, date, and be choosy!

How many ways can the BHBs say, "Dump Him"?

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we sometimes take advice questions from other sites and answer them. Better. Below is an example.

Dear Consum-mate.com:
This guy I have been dating for six months always makes it a point that we take turns paying. I don’t mind taking turns, but hate the way he emphasizes it. When it is his turn to pay, he has already planned what we will do on our date. Sometimes I have reasons I can’t go out the day I get paid. When this happens, he will say something like; "you just don’t want to go because it is your turn to pay." This really bothers me. I have told him this, but he continues with the same behavior.

Perhaps what surprised me the most was when my birthday fell on a payday and it was my turn to pay. He asked me if I wanted to go out for sushi for my special day. Guess who paid for the meal? I did.

Is this kind of turn taking normal for couples? One time I jokingly told him that he should learn to treat a woman like a lady once in a while. He suggested that I was materialistic and manipulative. Does this guy need a relationship boot camp or should I just move on?

Dear Beauty with a Beast:

You paid for sushi on your birthday because it was “your turn”? Asking to be treated like a lady is materialistic and manipulative? Hmmm… let’s see if we can put our finger on your problem. Oh, yes. Your boyfriend’s an asshole.

Sharing in payment for dates is not in and of itself a bad thing. Although we do like the double standard of men paying for the first couple of dates at least, after a while it’s lovely for the woman to contribute to the fun filled festivities. And before any man comments on how awful that double standard is, and how if women want equality they should always go dutch… as soon as we make the same amount for the same job you do, then we can re-evaluate our stance. And - our hair costs way more.

Listen to the little voice inside of you. It’s telling you he’s domineering and manipulative about money. What happens when you marry Mr. Douchey? Does he help pay for the baby’s delivery, or not because it wasn’t him who was hospitalized? And have fun itemizing the phone bill so that you pay for your phone calls. In a long-term relationship, money troubles will come and go – do you really want this man on your team for the long haul? We think he only has one team - his own. You deserve a quarterback who will take a sack for you. Tee hee! We said sack.

Maybe the Magic 8 Ball Can Help

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we sometimes take advice questions from other sites and answer them. Better. Below is an example.

Ask JohnQ.com:
One of my good friends and I recently started dating. We've tried it once before but it didn't work out because neither of us were in the right place. I was apprehensive to say yes again because he has this problem. He tends to get bored with women really quickly, when the thrill of the chase is gone things just fizzle out. He persuaded me by promising that he knew it was different this time. That he's always regretted that things didn't work out between us the first time and that he knows he won't get bored because he feel's differently about me then anyone he's ever gone out with. It's only been about a month now and I feel like things are changing already. He seems to be cooling off and I'll say not as invested as I am. I have feelings for him and I'm just not sure how he feels at this point. Are they're any signs to look for to give me some hints that he's done? I’m just not sure what to do, any opinions?

Dear Do This Don’t Do That:
Sign Sign everywhere a sign, blocking out the scenery breaking your mind. Seems to us that you are already seeing the signs, if you are getting the feeling he is cooling off towards you. Or, you could just be seeing what you always thought you were going to see with this man, and it’s all in your broken head. We’ve said it before, and it bears repeating: Women imagine drama. We think about what we think and then about he might think and then we interpret that and then we discuss it with our friends and then mix it with some rum to make Panic-Coladas. Take a deep breath and back away from the blender!

Maybe he is cooling, maybe he isn’t. Maybe he’s invested a month with you and isn’t trying as hard anymore because men love to be comfortable. After all, flowers and dinner at Chez Snooty turn into Chinese take out and Jet Li movies on DVD alarmingly fast. Try being not-as-available to him for a week or two. Don’t dump him, don’t bring it up and discuss the crap out of it and make him want to shoot himself in the head, just make it not-so-easy to be with you. Does he pursue again, or does he let you get away? It’s a simple experiment to check where you stand.

Will You Take That in Pennies?

Here at Brutally Honest Babes, we sometimes take advice questions from other sites and answer them. Better. Below is an example.

GirlShrink.com:
I'm in I guess an emotionally abusive relationship. He isn't my boyfriend, but we have sex. Its gotten to the point that he has told me that I am no good in bed and that in fact I should pay him for sex. One time he made me give him $20! And I did it. How can I get out of what I know is a bad relationship for me? I mean I think I love him.

Dear More Money than Brains:
Wow. This is a cornucopia of personal issuedom! Does you life look like a Dali painting? If you were an M&M, would you be the vomit brown one? Is your name Britney?

Your issues, from the top….

1. “I'm in I guess an emotionally abusive relationship.” Yes. Very Good. 1 Dollar.

2. “Its gotten to the point that he has told me that I am no good in bed…” Then why is he still sleeping with you? There are many girls out there to scar emotionally. This is a mind-fuck to keep you subservient. -1 Dollar.

3. “…and that in fact I should pay him for sex.” If we were assholes who abuse our significant others, we would ask for way more than $20. $20 won’t even cover a movie date when he takes his real girlfriend out. He must not think very highly of himself, hence his psychological torture of you. -20 Dollars.

4. “One time he made me give him $20! And I did it.” He did not “make you” give him the money – he asked and you gave. -20 More Dollars.

5. “How can I get out of what I know is a bad relationship for me?” The simple answer is – leave!! No booty calls, no phone calls, no calls of any kind! The complex answer is – get a therapist. We can point out the obvious, but you already know what you should do, and are unable to do it. – 1 Dollar.

6. “I mean I think I love him.” You do not understand what love is. Get a therapist. Post haste. Please!? -50 Dollars.

Unctuous Woman-Hating Bastard: 20 Dollars.
Hated Woman: -91 Dollars.
Ability to slash his tires a la “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood: Priceless*

* Really, that song is fucking awesome.

Help I Might Have a Nice Date! The Horror!

Dear Brutally Honest Babes:
My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago. It was a hard time and I am doing better. However, a guy recently asked me out and I don’t know if I’m ready to date again yet. Still, he seems cool and I don’t want to miss what could be a great opportunity. Would it be strange to ask him to wait a few weeks? It doesn’t seem good form to mention the Ex. Maybe I should just say “no thanks.” Help!

Dear Once Bitten:
Wethinks you may be over-thinking this. Which women do. A lot. Channel a man... think like him... there... your head is nice and blank... a few thoughts of video games... maybe a universal remote control... a bit of porn.

There’s no need to go into big explanations to anyone about your feelings, especially to a brand new shiny man full of promise. Don’t mention your ex, your gun-shy issues, or anything like that. If you want a few weeks to chill, just make up a big project at work or a vacation coming up or whatever and put him off for a bit, all the while encouraging him subtly from afar.

Or, just go out with him already. He’s asked you for a date - not to set the wedding date! Geesh! Have some coffee! Chat amongst yourselves! See if he’s even worth all this deliberation. Even if he’s only Mr. Right Now… well… right now boys can be very therapeutic (she said with a wink!)

Do They Even Have Creeks in New York City?

Dear Brutally Honest Babes,
I'm single, good-looking and smart, but I can't seem to get a date for the life of me. I have younger, married men slobbering all over me, but finding an eligible guy has been next to impossible. Are there no single attractive men over the age of puberty in the City of New York?? I tried online dating services, but ended up going out with losers, like the idiot who announced he was hung-over on our date after showing up 45 minutes late or the guy with the picture that was at least 15 years and 25 pounds out of date. I just have trouble meeting smart, funny and, most important, available men. I have to be doing something wrong. Help!! – Up the Creek

Dear Up the Creek,
We two BHBs had to specifically consult regarding your question, as it’s a good one. Our conversation went something like this…

Lucy: Did you see that question from Up the Creek?

Ethel: Yeah – that’s a toughie!

Lucy: I know – we’re old married ladies.

Ethel: Well, not old.

Lucy: We’re hot young married ladies.

Ethel: We met our husbands on the job, what do we know?

Lucy: Maybe that’s not an option for her. She’s in New York, maybe she’s an actress and all the guys she meets at work are gay.

Ethel: Or corporate douchebags.

Lucy: Indeed.

Ethel: She needs a change of pace – a new place to meet men.

Lucy: She needs a new creek! Ha hahaa! Get it? She’s Up the Creek??

Ethel: Wow, that’s a bad joke. Don’t use that in the blog.

Lucy: OK.

Ethel: She needs to join a church! Lots of nice men at a church!

Lucy: Church is a great place to meet nice men – but maybe she’s not the churchey type.

Ethel: Hmmm.

Lucy: Hmmm. Hey! Maybe a class! Art or cooking or something like that!

Ethel: Ooh ooh – I like it. Maybe an improv class in New York! Lots of funny guys in improv class in my experience. Straight, too.

Lucy: Yes! She needs to identify the type of man she wants, and seek a new locale where they are likely to congregate in the wild.

Ethel: Or maybe these married guys can recommend friends of theirs for her to date.

Lucy: I don’t know – it could end up like that “Sex and the City” episode where Charlotte did that and it turned out the married guy was a creep and hit on her. Remember that one?

Ethel: No.

Lucy: Well. That’s what happened. And she already has married creeps hitting on her. Maybe that’s not such a good idea.

Ethel: I don’t remember that episode at all.

Lucy: They re-run it all the time.

Ethel: OK.

Lucy: What else for Miss Creek?

Ethel: Well, there’s that site – meetup.com – where they have online groups for all kinds of activities. Maybe she could join a jogging or investing club or something and meet men that way. Gear the club towards the type of man she wants.

Lucy: Maybe! But it might sound like we’re shilling for meetup.

Ethel: I wish we were.

Lucy: Me too!

Ethel: Then we’d get paid.

Lucy: Mmmmmm… Paid.

Ethel: It that all we have?

Lucy: Yup, I think so.

The Babes and "The Rules"

Dear Brutally Honest Babes:
I’m tired of waiting for men to ask me out. I’ve read The Rules, but I’m ready to break them. Would it totally turn a man off if I asked him out?

Dear Would-Be Rule Breaker:
We two BHB have discussed this very matter at length. We have very specific ideas on the subject. One of us bought “The Rules” for the other; the other followed it, and had to beat the men off with a stick. Many empowered women will tell you to ask a man out if you want to. We empowered women say do not ask a man out. Ever. We repeat: do not ask a man out. Men like to chase. That bears repeating as well: men like to chase! They cannot chase what chases them.

That being said, there are ways to achieve what you want. Being alluring yet slightly unattainable will make him work for you, which he will enjoy. You can in turns flirt then ignore (this worked for one BHB to catch her now husband), be sexy around him (sexy, not slutty), find out if you share any interests, etc. Put the idea into his head that you are made for each other, without ever coming out and saying it. Let him think it was his idea. Some might say this is game playing. It is! A Lady is entitled. She can be every feminine thing without being lesser than a man.

If these things do not elicit a date query, then perhaps it’s just not meant to be. Use your wiles on a more deserving specimen.

PS - Thank you for being our very first questioner! *Squee!*