Wednesday, February 13, 2008

One Fish, Two Fish, Raw Fish, Ew, Fish!

Dear BHBs:
I hate fish. I have been invited to a chic private party catered by a fairly well known Sushi chef. Other than rice and dessert, I don’t know what I’m going to eat; or how to make it look like I am enjoying the Sushi without being rude by barfing accidentally into a potted plant. I have to attend this party. My job depends on it. I also have to look moderately cool, because all the cool people eat Sushi.

Dear Crabby Roll:
This is clearly a case of fake it to make it. If it’s a sit-down dinner party, we think you are in deep doo-doo, because there is little chance you can not eat. In that event, you either need to put on your big-girl panties and suck it (i.e. the fish) up or boldly state your new-found vegetarianism to weasel out. But then you have to be a veggie in public forever. Your choice.

If it’s more of a mingling thing, try this strategy:

1. Eat before you get there, so you are not starving.

2. Take a cocktail early, and hang onto it or one like it all night so you have something in your hands.

3. Take a piece of sushi occasionally (always a piece of Nigiri-sushi, slices of fish on pads of rice), but talk a lot so you can just hold it attractively.

4. When you must eat so as to not appear weird, put the food (on a napkin) up to your mouth and eat only the rice while rolling the fish surreptitiously in the napkin. Dump the napkin at the first opportunity.

5. If they have California rolls (i.e. rolls with veggies or cooked fish), eat those often.

You should be able to make it through the night this way. If you wear a smashing dress with lots of cleavage, perhaps this can distract onlookers.

Do not barf in a plant. Do it in the bathroom after dinner like all the other cool girls.

No comments: