Anything You Can do to Draw Attention to Your Mouth is Good

Dear AskJohnQ.com:
i have known this man for six years and there is no doubt there is some kind of attraction between us. i think of him all the time. how can i make myself irresistable to him [sic entire question, geez]

Dear It’s Called Punctuation:
Six Years? Are you stuck in a Jane Austin novel? Oh, goodie! Let’s see… you are poor, but pretty enough and have amazing spirit! He is rich and looks wonderful wet, a la Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Despair not, sooner or later some improbable confusion will be thrust upon you, and then lifted, as you both discover your unending love!

If you are not actually stuck in an Austen novel, then… six years? Impetuous he is not. We hate to be nay-sayers, but maybe this mutual attraction in is not quite as mutual as you thought.

But for spits and giggles, let’s say there is a torrent of lust in his heart for you. Take a page from the book of Cher from Clueless (a ripping good movie and yet another Austen tale. Is there anything that woman can’t teach us?) Suddenly have some other man. The BHBs thoroughly believe that men want what they cannot have, and they enjoy chasing same. Date someone else casually, and be sure to mention it all the time around Mr. Reckless. Or, do as Cher did and send flowers to yourself, dress sexy and make someone up. Hey, she ended up with her step-brother in the end! That’s… something.

If he still doesn’t come around, then maybe your new casual man could be your torrent of lust. After six years, it sounds like you could really use a torrent of lust.

Mmmmmmm… torrent of lust.